The Columnist Manifesto

I saw these posters in Dunkin' Donuts yesterday, while buying iced coffee.



They're unmistakable potshots at Starbucks, but when understood in the broader context of the Iced Coffee War, they are not an attempted invasion of Starbucks territory. Rather than trying to raid the higher end Starbucks customers, these sarcastic slogans are plainly designed by Dunkin Donuts to build up an esprit de corps among its existing customers at the lower half of the coffee market. Dunkin is just firing a warning shot to protect its border. (Was it necessary? I don't see any major danger of Starbucks lowering its prices or developing a massive donut selection.)

Since the conflict has expanded beyond iced coffee to include hot coffee and breakfast sandwiches, the name "Iced Coffee War" has become a misnomer. But it's catchy, and it accurately describes my first experience of the war, so it's a keeper. Sometimes you just have to accept a misnamed war, like "the War of Spanish Succession."

If you find any of this confusing, here is a map graphically depicting the conflict so far.