The Columnist Manifesto

I've been a frequent and irrascible commentator on the Baby Boomers, that demographic bulge that came just before me and got in on all the good stuff while the getting was still good: the real estate boom, the stock market boom, Woodstock tickets.

I’ve watched in mixed amusement and horror as the Boomers have aged into middle and late-middle age, while their media machine has desperately tried to make those phases of life into grandiose and sexy marketing opportunities.

Here are some trends and things to look out for in the next 10-20 years as the baby boomers, now in their early 60s, cross over into old age.

• An explosion in litigation over contested wills (hint to law students: study Trusts and Estates!).
• Power napping DVDs!
• You will learn more than you ever thought you wanted to know about geriatric sex.
• 40% of all romantic comedies will seem derivative of On Golden Pond.
• Bifocals become cool!
• High-end assisted-living facilities upgrade their cuisine with French-trained chefs.
• Robert DeNiro plays the Marlon Brando role in the remake of The Godfather (Part I).

There is, of course, an up-side to the baby-boomers’ relentless pursuit of the good life. And I don’t just mean inheriting their money when they die. Baby boomers may actually fix some of the broken societal attitudes and institutions surrounding old age: nursing homes, the Social Security system, neglect and abuse of the elderly in general. Bless them and god speed. That’s something that could really benefit all of us.