The Columnist Manifesto

You can simulate a hangover, without the liver damage or massive sugar-and-calorie intake involved in consuming alcohol -- and get a good workout at the same time!

Here's how:

1) Some time after 8 p.m., do some form of intensive exercise (e.g., ice hockey) that causes you to sweat out about half a gallon of your body's water.

2) Stay up late because you're wired from the exercise.

3) Don't drink any water before going to bed.

4) Get up at your normal hour.

All the coffee in the world the next morning will not save you. Pretty neat!*

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*This happened Thursday night. I couldn't pull myself together to blog about it until this morning.