The Columnist Manifesto

There are too many things to worry about, and I don't have time to worry about them all. Here is my list of worries, in no particular order. Indeed, that's part of the problem -- I need to prioritize.

1. Avian flu.
2. Flu in general.
3. Should I get a flu shot, either for general flu or avian flu? Will the government use the flu shot as an opportunity to catalogue my genetic code as part of an alien colonization project?
4. Whether any aspect of the X-Files conspiracy might be at least partly true.
5. Environmental degradation in general.
6. Whether the electric power plant in my neighborhood is polluting the air to a sufficient degree to locate my home within a cancer cluster.
7. Low level radiation or electromagnetism produced by wireless telecommunications (WiFi, cell phones, cordless phone handsets, etc.) Do these cause cancer?
8. Mass bird kills caused by cellular telephone signal towers.
9. Disastrous climatic conditions caused by global warming.
10. My hair -- loss, graying, etc.
11. Adulteration of the food supply by industrial food production -- toxic pesticides, genetic modification of foods, anti-biotics and growth hormones fed to livestock, mad cow disease and the feeding of animal bi-products to livestock.
12. Adulteration of labelling by FDAm allowing agribusiness to use "organic" label for foods that aren't all that organic.
13. Secret CIA prisons abroad.
14. Am I saving enough for retirement?
15. Terrorism -- bio, nuclear, and plain old.
16. Will I live to retirement?

Will prioritizing these worries actually help me, though? Maybe what I need is a broad approach to worry management. For example, should I follow the rule "only worry about things you can control?" That would bring retirement savings to the forefront (at least arguably), and put bio-terrorism back a few. But what about avian flu? I can't control that, but maybe I can control whether or not to get a flu shot. And maybe I should be preparing for bio-terrorism or climatic disasters by storing gallons of drinking water and canned goods in my basement.

Should I assign certain worries to others, and allow myself to ignore them? Phantom Scribbler, for instance, seems to be doing the worrying of ten people on the subject of avian flu. Maybe she can take on my avian flu worries. But then, maybe I'd just be sticking my head in the sand -- I worry about becoming that sort of person.

Sometimes others' worries become a source of worry. B is concerned about hearing some opinion poll allegedly showing that 59% of Americans believe that the Book of Revelations is an accurate prediction of future events, or want the Rapture to come about, or some such. Without knowing all the details, I guess that Jews don't do so well in the Tribulation that precedes the Rapture.

B wants us to come up with a contingency plan in case a 21st century Holocaust comes to America. People who temporarily wallow in gloom about the political future of our country often say "Canada," as in "if that happens, I'm moving to Canada," but I point out to B that that notion of Canada is an idealization that may be little more than a figure of speech. Why would Canada be such a sanctuary if the United States goes all to hell?

So what's the worry here: religious nuts take over the country and launch anti-semitic Jihad? Canada not a realistic refuge? Real estate prices in Canada? Are we saving enough for second home in Canada? Or B worrying too much about stuff?