Friday, September 09, 2005


Problem solved!

Bush Administration Proposes $2,000 Income Tax Credit for All Katrina Refugees Trapped in Sports Arenas

"Help has arrived" says President
WASHINGTON -- President George W. Bush, in a major address to the American people, today unveiled an emergency measure for relief of the thousands of Hurricaine Katrina refugees still holed up in the Houston Astrodome or the New Orleans Superdome.

"For the last couple of days, I have been entirely focused on this rescue plan," said the President. "I have thought of little else."

Under the White House emergency rescue plan, each individual taxpayer or head of household will receive up to a $2,000 personal income tax credit on their 2005 tax returns with submission of proof to the IRS of at least two weeks residency in either the Houston Astrodome or the New Orleans Superdome, or a combination of the two.

Acknowledging that "thousands of people will be calling the sports domes 'home' for some time to come," the President stressed the importance of making people as comfortable as possible "on the astroturf or wherever folks have found shelter." The key point, according to Mr. Bush is the importance of taking personal responsibility in this time of crisis.

"We think Americans know better how to spend their rescue money than the federal government does," said Mr. Bush. "Some families might find the money best spent on rebuilding their homes, or on investing in a mutual fund toward retirement. Others of you may prefer to spend your $2,000 to pay a roving gang within the stadium to protect you from other roving gangs. Or maybe $2,000 can buy your children's way onto a bus out of town."

"I can't tell you how best to spend your rescue money," the President reassured the anxious Hurricaine Katrina refugees. "If you simply prefer to spend it on comforts, like those inflatable seat cushions for the Astrodome seats, which are made of pretty hard plastic, or food, or toilet paper, or whatever, it's really your choice," the President explained.

The tax credit will be worth just over $2,000 for families earning $100,000 per year or more, according to the Congressional Budget Office, while families at 200% of the federal poverty guideline will receive tax relief totalling approximately $22.75.

OTHER KATRINA NEWS: Halliburton is said to have the "inside track" on restoration contracts in areas hit by Katrina. "They have the experience when it comes to rebuilding destroyed cities," says Vice President Cheney.

Good Lord. Cause that will buy them a new house...
Oh, I am so happy that they can now all retire comfortably! I had been worried about that.
Where am I?
"I have thought of little else."

You know, for once I believe him.
Yeah, this will really help, because a tax credit is just like $2,000 cold hard cash in your hands. It's not some abstract number you fill in on a form, next to the words "tax credit".

And wow! April 15th, when people file their taxes, is just around the corner. Kind of like how the food and water and medical help was on the 1-5 days after the hurricane hit!

At least the administration is consistent.
Um, guys? I hope you all realize this was parody. Though maybe it's too close to reality to be funny.
You mean you haven't heard? It's not.
And BTW, for the best ever updates on what is really going on check out the ever-unpopular Jon Stewart. Sorry, too many inside jokes in that one.
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