The Columnist Manifesto

I think that the squirrel is just chillin'.
 

I think he's picking a fight :)
 

On second thought, I think that the squirrel has a post coital expression on its face.
 

Hmm... Looks like the little fella is flirting with you, or he's drunk. Hard to tell with human guys, too.
 

Yep yep, he looks sweaty and hot. Wait, can squirrels sweat?

Maybe you should offer him an iced coffee?
 

Acyually, looks a little like me — cute.
 

actually...
 

cute...
 

(squirrels can't spell)
 

Wait . . . I know . . . the squirrel is stoned.
 

i think the squirrel is really one of the students at Hogwarts, doing his transfiguration homework.

note, too, that his front paw lies carefully along the TANGENT of the circumference of the circular table.
 

He's much better behaved than this squirrel.
 

I understand where you're coming from. The one eye looks mildly lazy.

On a different note, I'd rather not mess with that squirrel, if I was his size. His arm would be the size of my thigh.