Tuesday, August 09, 2005

 

A heartbreaking bait-and-switch

For the past couple of months, every time I check my Yahoo email account, I'm shown a picture of "Missy," of Watertown, New York. Missy is evidently the current icon for Yahoo Personals, an online dating service that promies "Better first dates, more second dates."

I feel as if I've gotten to know Missy over the past several weeks. She's "shy at first but warms up quickly" and describes her "love style" as "spontaneous." These are Yahoo's prefabricated words and phrases, but here are "her own words":

"I'm looking for someone who knows how to have fun, but also knows what they want to do with their life, and has the ambition to accomplish their goals."

Hey, who does that sound like -- I mean, assuming by "goals" she means "reasonable goals"?

Well, I'm not exactly in a dating mode here, but I have to say I've developed sort of a crush on Missy, and if I were single, and happened to be passing through Watertown, New York, well, who knows?

Can you imagine my feeling of betrayal, then, when I saw this photo recently in my Yahoo internet portal? Missy ... with Brett! Who is this "Brett"? Yeah, he probably "knows how to have fun," but has he accomplished any of his goals?

And just look at those two. They look like they've proceeded well past the "better first date," and the second date, wouldn't you say? Yet Yahoo Personals continues to attract business with the original single picture of Missy! How can they keep pretending that Missy is available, and also be showing me this?

UPDATE: Moral Turpitude reports here that her internet portal says that the way to have "better first dates" is to make intentional malapropisms and bad puns to attract your date with a sense of humor. (Check out the examples -- they're priceless.) Maybe that's how Brett got Missy, who describes herself as having a "Clever / Quick Witted, Dry / Sarcastic" sense of humor.

**

Comments:
I'd stay away from Missy if I were you. I saw her on QVC hawking an anti-fungal ointment.
 
Missy looks a little washed out and bland. Move on, Oscar. You can do better than that.
 
Woah. Missy looked a LOT better when she was single.
 
Moral Turpitude, you made me laugh out loud. Thanks.

(I do think it's funny how all the female readers are dissing poor Missy.)
 
Tonya, YOU made me laugh out loud, because you said "ointment". I think that's got to be just below "underpants" in the Funniest Words In The English Language list.
 
Poor Oscar. It is a cruel world out there.

I think Missy is cute. Brett looks gay.
 
look closely. one of the reasons missy looks so gawky in her happily married picture is that they've moved the part in her hair further to the right. amazing what a small change will do to make your nose look bigger and your forehead squarer.
 
Nah, you totally still have hope, Oscar. This picture with Brett (and others, I must warn you beforehand, so that it does not break your heart later)was made during a week-long all expenses (plus a shopping spree) paid photoshoot in San Francisco last year. So even if there was a second date, they must have already spilt up.
 
This is terrible. I'm a happily married man, and even I had grown somewhat attached to Missy (not to mention that sexy nurse that shows up in those health insurance (?) banner ads on my sitemeter account). Missy still shows up for me, though, so maybe she had a rift with Brett.
 
Okay, the sexy nurse is in a University of Phoenix ad. Just so you know.
 
Missy looks like a less pretty version of your wife, Oscar.
 
It's almost as if Missy isn't a legitimate single. If I were cynical, I'd think she's a model that Yahoo! is using to promote the Personals feature. But the pink bunny shirt works for me.
 
Missy definitely looks more settled than when she first appeared. The first photo of her showed her in a battered cowgirl hat leaning back in a barn setting. Sort of "Come and get me, Cowboy." Very hot then, more bland now.
 
I gave up on Missy when I realized she had some stupid bunny drawing on her shirt.
 
Brett seems to be out...

Check it out: http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/us/per/gr/coc_agreement_bg1.jpg
 
The guys and I on FC bukkakked Missy one night after a cocaine binge on Pud's yacht. He has a mantion.
 
The only other chick I'd bang harder would probably be Lynn Johnson.

I love slutty Canadians.
 
Watertown is right by FT Drum. Missy may have consoled a few hundred of our finest soldier boys. Thanks for supporting the troops.
 
Missy. If you look careful, and use imagination, you can tell she's holding back an oozing poop.
 
Missy...! I could not find your e-mail the way I saw you.
...
Wish I could.

Alas!...
 
Nice Blog!!! It looks like you've spent a fair amount of time setting it up and keeping the content fresh. I'll be sure to come back.

I have a online dating blog. It pretty much covers teen dating related stuff.

Thanks again and keep up the good work.
 
This is a excellent blog. Keep it going.

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I'll be sure to come back.
 
Very nice blog, hard to come by these days,

Look at this site I saw while surfing Dating Ideas site


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If you want over 18 adults only dating then Swinger Dating is the site for you. Totally free too :)
 
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