Thursday, July 28, 2005


Turns out I wasn't kidding

Remember the other day, how I tried to start a meme here about coming up with backyard adventure stories for kids?

Remember how you all ignored me because you were all in such a snit over the fact that I made some unflattering remarks about your "special friend" Harry Potter?

Well, the adventure has begun! Today, B tried to throw some stuff on the very same compost pile and was stung five times by a swarm of aggressive insects from the wasp-hornet-yellow jacket family. She had to flee for her life, leaving this scene behind:


Guess who's job it is to put the lid back on the composter? Hint here. My current plan: wait until later to see if the bees go away. There's a freakin' swarm of them back there!

QUESTION: Does honor require me to mount a punitive expedition against the offending bees once the lid is put back on the composter?

AND BY THE WAY: In case you're wondering, the winner of this week's backyard adventure story contest is--
The Columnist Manifesto for "Oscar and the Swarm of Killer Bees."


Five wasp stings! That's terrible. Send B my sympathies. I stepped on one of those things a few years ago. It hurt like hell. Funny thing was, I'd agreed to go on a blind date that night and as the hour approached, I realized I'd rather step on another wasp than go on that date. By the time the hour arrived, I'd come up with twenty as the number of wasp stings I'd prefer to that date!
I hope you're not saving the killer bees for our visit. Shall I make sure my husband has packed a can of his Industrial Killer Bee Killer in our luggage?
Here's a bee eradication hint:

bees/wasps are cold-blooded critters, and become lethargic in cooler weather, such as really early in the morning, or when sprayed with CO2 (I haven't actually tried the "blob" method of putting bees to sleep, however). There's also something to do with smoke (which is why beekepers have those smoke things). So it's best to get'em in the morning with a big can of Industrial Killer Bee Killer, which should be available in the contractor section of your local home repair megastore.

It's even better to go wasp nest hunting in March or April every year, to get rid of the nests before the eggs hatch.
I say spray them with CO2. Perhaps that will help us avoid the next ice age.
Oh, I hope B. feels better soon!

I second Wendy's recommendation. When my husband goes out on homicidal husbandry quests against bees (what? I don't send him out there as a gender stereotype, it's just that I swell up really badly and get scary red tracking marks running from the sting towards my heart), he has a lot more luck on a cool evening, when the damn critters are less active.

Good luck, and be careful, Oscar!
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