The Columnist Manifesto

For reasons I can't explain, my favorite coffee house, Grandma Moses, has stubbornly refused for years to offer decaffeinated iced coffee. They sell iced regular coffee year round (and I order it as long as the outside air temperature is above single digits farenheit). But they've never sold iced decaf.

In the mornings, I always order the regular iced coffee, no problem. On hot summer evenings however, I may be faced with a terrible dilemma -- iced regular (and perhaps an unduly wakeful night), or nothing.

Well, my and B's careful cultivation of a friendship with the barista, Emily, has paid big dividends. This morning we walked in and Emily's colleague Bill told B: "Emily made a special treat for you." Acting on her own authority on her shift yesterday, Emily brewed up an experimental batch of iced decaf.

This could be life-changing for B (a decaf person) and me (decaf after 4 p.m.). The trick now is to get a huge rush of people asking for the iced decaf. So please get yourselves over to Grandma Moses and do just that.

Okay, so the fact that Grandma Moses is a pseudonym in an unidentified city called My Home Town poses a slight logistical problem...