The Columnist Manifesto

Why didn't they call me?

Not that anyone has ever told me I "have to" see Something's Gotta Give, but I had decided not to see it, and had successfully missed it in theatres and fended it off as a home DVD rental suggestion. Then, I caught it while surfing cable, and my curiosity got the better of me -- I watched 20 minutes or so.

Something's Gotta Give is a feel-good movie for the baby boom vanguard, people just hitting 60, and I'm guessing that the original working title for the project was Somebody's Gotta Sleep with Me. I can totally sympathize the need for reassurance that sex continues to be a part of one's life even as one approaches retirement, though I'm not sure I would choose Jack Nicholson and Dianne Keaton as the vessels for carrying that message. More importantly, I think the script could have used some work.

Here's the story line:

Harry Sanborn (Jack Nicholson) is a perennial playboy with a libido much younger than his years. During what was to have been a romantic weekend with his latest infatuation, Marin (Amanda Peet), at her mother's Hamptons beach house, Harry develops chest pains. He winds up being nursed by Marin's reluctant mother, Erica Barry (Diane Keeton) – a successful, divorced New York playwright. In the process, Harry develops more heart pangs – the romantic kind – for Erica, an age appropriate woman whom he finds beguiling.

However, when Harry hesitates, his charming thirty-something doctor (Keanu Reeves) steps in and starts to pursue Erica. And Harry, who has always had the world on a string, starts to find his life unraveling.

Needless to say, hilarity ensues. The Nicholson/ Amanda Peet thing is sort of a barfworthy strain on our credulity, while the Reeves/ Keeton thing is more plausible -- or it would be, if they had cast an actor in the Keanu Reeves part. (While watching Reeves make googoo eyes at Keaton, I kept thinking, "C'mon, Keanu, sell those lines! Sell those lines.")

But the whole thing could have been much improved with the following changes, that are designed to make the movie resonate much more powerfully with the baby-boomer late 50-seomthing demographic:

Harry Sanborn, while recovering from a heart attack, meets Marin, the attractive wife of his thirty-something cardiologist (Keanu Reeves). Marin, angry at her doctor husband (Reeves) for his numerous affairs, indulges her twisted psychology by having a clandestine and ambivalent affair with Harry, which meets the unlikely pair's baser needs while causing them shame and distaste. When friends of Harry, determined to introduce the 60-something bachelor to age appropriate single women, try set him up with successful, divorced playwright Erica Barry -- who turns out to be Marin's mother! -- Marin warns Harry: "If you date my mother, I will destroy you!" Claiming that he is just going through the motions to get his friends off his back, Harry assures Marin that he'll have one bad date with Erica and then never see her again.

But when Harry and Erica fall for each other, and go out on more dates, Marin flies into a rage. She and her husband whisk Erica away to ... Marin, California, where they strong arm Erica into betrothal to another age appropriate man. Harry, in desparation, races across the country in his sports car, culminating in a hilarious wrong-way drive across the Golden Gate Bridge. He finds the church where Erica and her hubby-to-be are about to say "I do" and begins pounding on the church's plate glass windows, shouting "Erica! Err-rrric--cccaaa!" Erica looks up, sighs "Harry!" and the two of them flee the church, running hand in hand to catch a nearby bus. On the bus, Harry has another heart attack, but Erica gives life saving CPR. The movie ends with the couple sitting in the back of the bus, looking happy and yet uncertain...

Oh, and I'd cast Dustin Hoffman in the Nicholson role.

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