The Columnist Manifesto

You might think that because my first name is Oscar [it isn't], I have some special affinity for, or insight into, the Oscars [I don't].

Here are my Oscar predictions. I predict that an array of stars, wannabe stars, obscure spouses of stars, and producers, be-tuxed and be-gowned, will preen on the red carpet posing for paparazzi while knowing that they love us (their adoring public), they hate us, they can't live without us. I predict that the camera will focus on numerous nominees seated in the Kodak Theatre looking as if they're concentrating on something. (They're concentrating on not looking into the camera at that moment.) I predict that several sex symbols will look surprising in fetchingly dorky glasses which they never wear on-screen. I predict that the broadcast will be an insufferable three hours long, chock full of appalling musical numbers and trite thank-you speeches. Chris Rock will create an occasional mild anxiety with his latent dangerous edginess and, while he'll make a joke or two that creeps right up to the line, he will mostly play it safe with cheesy cornball cloying awards host schtick.

Finally, I predict that there will be widespread disillusionment among the Academy Awards viewers. Best Actress went to the actress who doled out gold Rolexes to voters beforehand! Best picture went to the blockbuster who's budget was so big that, if it didn't win, several influential producers would have to be taken out back and shot! Here's what really slays me. It's not that so many smart people get caught up in the spectacle of award-bestowing, as though it means something. It's the widespread sense of betrayal that the Oscar process falls short of the ideal of a democratic meritocracy. Grown men and women, some who can be quite hard-headed and cynical about real democratic elections that send various bozos to the state house, the Congress, or the White House, can be brought to tears or driven to feverish outrage that Russell Crowe got "Best Actor" when someone else was better that year.

How is it that we easily remember from one quadrennial to the next how flawed our presidential selection system is, but that we seem to forget from one year to the next that the Motion Picture Academy makes only token gestures toward meritocracy, reserving that for the Best Supporting Actress and Best Foreign Documentary categories?

Tomorrow night, I'll be getting my hat blocked.



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Project Bozzo update

Bozzo's reflection on our linking game demonstrates what I like so much about his blog – the man has an interesting mind. By the way, TTLB was not fooled, or impressed or whatever, by my linking to the same Bozzo posts, and Bozzo himself has already figured out that I can only link to any one of his posts and have that count on the TTLB ecosystem. So I have to link to several new and different posts of his each day in order to have any impact. If I were a techie, I could figure out a program to automate this...


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