The Columnist Manifesto

"Dear Hitters,"

This, from WS, who reads my blog:

BTW, if you want people to read you blog daily, you have to post new stuff every day :)

Thanks, WS. Actually, you're not the first person who's told me that. Sure enough, the number of hits to my blog has declined steadily since my last post, on Thursday, December 30. But I want all of you to know:

This is my first moment of internet access since last Thursday!

I've been traveling, and have not had internet access. Have I been in the jungle, you ask, or Anatarctica? Yes, internet service is everywhere... but there are several exceptions to that, even within the densest segments of our telecommunications web. For instance, I'm not aware that you can get online when you're on a plane. And in the airport, to get online you have to pay some fee that makes the markup on airport bottled water look rather modest. No internet on the Bay Area Rapid Transit system. Oh yes, and at your friends' house on New Years Eve, what are you supposed to say? "No, I will not shell the shrimp or chop tomatoes, or converse with you. Instead, take me to your internet hookup, because I'd like to surf the web and then blog a bit." And then the wireless access at the place I'm staying in LA wasn't working until this morning.

Yes, I like to have people read my blog, but does that mean I must allow my life to be dictated by internet access? More on that in a later post.

For now, I'd like to discuss why I haven't referred to you as my "readers." "Readers" implies that you read the blog. I know a couple of you do. Thank you so much. But it occurs to me that it is a bit presumptuous to think of the number of daily "hits" recorded by my two hit counters as "readers." I know for a fact that several hits are just random browse-throughs, probably referred by the "next blog" button on Blogspot. Even a regular checker might just be spending 5 seconds to determine that there's nothing worth reading here. And I know for a fact (because I do it) that I hit some blogs simply to get to a link I know is in their blog roll.

Helpfully, Sitemeter provides statistics on the "average visit length" of each hit. For me, it's 43 seconds. 43 seconds!

Not a lot of reading can take place in 43 seconds. And when you consider that those of you who do read may spend, gee, a couple of minutes, then that means, to bring the average down to 43 seconds, there are a bunch of other "hit and run" blog browsers spending only a few seconds.

So let's not get all puffed up over our number of hits. It's hit quality, rather than hit quantity that counts, right? This of course got me curious about what other leading blogs are racking up. (Note: current reported statistics may vary slightly from those stated below.)

I can catch up with these guys:

VodkaPundit (2,942 hits per day): 1 minute, 28 seconds

Althouse (2,992 hits per day): 1 minute, 17 seconds

The Volokh Conspiracy (6,106 hits per day): 1 minute

The gold standard for contemplative blog viewing:

Conglomerate (82 hits per day): 3 minutes, 25 seconds

And, perversely, if you want to build your ego about people lingering over your blog, check the stats on the giants:

Wonkette (33,895 hits per day): 22 seconds

Indeed, the very bottom of the barrell:

Instapundit: 122,699 hits per day, but only 6 seconds per hit!

Does this blog self-consicousness count as "new stuff"? Whether it does or not, my dear hitters, kindly slow down!